I know that in my rare lucid moments I have been in a state where words
were totally inadequate. To be speechless is too often misconstrued
as being confused.

And when I am not in one of those enlightened states I "surf" a chaotic
understanding of the world full of contradictions.
This certainly makes no logical "sense" and yet 
even the most rigourously trained scientist 
cannot escape from such a state of being.

Surfing the chaos, riding the flow is the only understanding we can ever
have of what is going on inside ourselves.
Lou Reed summed it up in the (apparent) nonsense of a VelvetUnderground song.
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Xray courtesy the Undesirable Propagation Unit.